The Power of Clarity in Leadership
Let’s talk about probably the most important polarity for leaders to understand.
I stumbled upon it many years ago… at 30 years of age, fresh out of seminary and pastor in a church of 300 people.
I wanted to be a really good pastor. I told myself pastors were supposed to be nice and likable… so I was always trying to please people.
For example, I preferred preaching for no more than 15 minutes, but they were used to 25... so I changed for them.
When they didn’t like what I was wearing, I’d change… sometimes literally, during the newly extended sermons. It was a good way of filling the extra 10 minutes.
I soon realized I had 300 bosses with 300 opinions... 600 on a Sunday… and it was impossible to please everyone.
Eventually, I came to a decision: I would stop worrying about what other people thought of me, and just be me.
What they thought of me was their problem, not mine. Right?
A strange thing happened. The church started to grow and I felt less exhausted. In fact, I felt more alive and energized than ever.
From time to time people would be upset with me. I would listen to their concerns and then politely remind them, this is just who I am. To my surprise, they usually accepted this.
I had discovered what I call the “Solid Self.” This is the aspect of ourselves that stands firm in who we are, regardless of what happens around us. This is the part of us that doesn’t worry about making other people feel good. This part of us, isn’t a pleaser.
When we’re in this mode we’re like a broadcast, making declarations to ourselves and others about who we are.
Or to inflict a second analogy on you, we become immovable rocks around which water flows... where water represents, say, other people’s opinions, drama and BS about you.
The “Solid Self” is necessary to cast a big vision, inspire people to action, cut through fog and indecision, increase speed... and to prevent people from driving you crazy with their list of things they want you to become.
Where people go wrong – and by people I mean everyone besides you and me, because we never make this mistake, right? – is they sometimes become stuck on one frequency: This Is Who I Am FM.
When this happens they become inflexible, and deaf to important feedback... which can harm their credibility. They become slow to make needed changes.
Now, maybe this isn’t you right now. But how do you ensure it won’t be an accurate description of you, say, a few years from now... or this time next Tuesday?
Part of the answer is to know that the Solid Self is just one side of a polarity… and managing this polarity is a permanent feature of leadership and life.
In the next post I’ll show you how the “Solid Self” got me into big trouble, and I’ll also reveal the other side of the polarity.
